wolfman1000000

Welp. Been a while since I did one of these. I'm more at peace with my depression. It'll always be a part of me but my past and thoughts on negativity shouldn't keep me from trying anything. Just wish I could come more to terms more with my personalities and flaws. God almighty I am a pervert. Like hyper perversion. Years of fighting this and still cant fully kill my lust. Wish I could also kill my feelings of shame. It's one thing for depression, lots of people feel shame in being or having depression. But me, no. I'm ashamed of everything I am. A dirty dirty weeb, a mlp fan (not quite at brony but I support them.), so many guilty pleasures that I shouldn't feel guilt about. Why? Why do I feel ashamed about everything that I am. It's like I can't genuinely enjoy something without something in my brain having me feel ashamed. Even with stuff like food! Food! My poor therapist has her work cut out for her with me.

I've always dealt with depression, maybe I'm an emotional masochist, but I think I just suppress my inner self and my secret desires of multitudes of things. I constantly try to hide who I really am due to the social norm. I'm very self conscious to where I rarely journey outside of the norm or at least what I consider the norm. only a select few know me and I'm still afraid of being seen as a pariah of opinions and character. but like I'm hoping to break the dungeon of fear and maybe slowly become the one I feel I want to be. btw I'm not homosexual. that's not what this about. don't read between the lines and assume anything then congratula

life, it's getting harder to make it through. I'm fighting myself, people always say be yourself but I can't, that side feels even more weird; wrong even. like society would never accept the true freak I am. I'm so sad and bitter, I want the world to burn for any and all crimes the world has set against me. but that is wrong, I am wrong. I am like the robot who is in need of repair, I am broken. people always try to deter me from thinking about suicide saying, "what about your family, what about the people who love you?" what about them. they never loved me. there is no such thing as love, love is the greatest illusion people slip onto other